Getting Over Being Overwhelmed

I woke up this morning full of optimism. I’d had a reasonable night’s sleep by my paltry standards, my fab Homestart volunteer was coming to give me a couple of hours to catch up with myself, and I was going to get lots done. Heck, the sun even came out in smpathy.

But within a few hours, that all-too-familiar tidal wave of anxiety came over me. The knot in my stomach drew tighter. I was drowning. I had prescriptions to sort out, appointments to chase, emergency childcare to arrange when it turned out that the two next week, which I’d been assured would be mid-morning, clashed with school pick-up. I had a DLA form to complete (the shortest road to depression I have yet encountered – it’ll hit you by page 3 guaranteed) and two carers forms to fill out. I even had to chase a 3-month old referral to the keyworker who is supposed to be managing all our referrals. I kid you not.

Every form in which I had to list Mr Boo’s problems – PVL (brain damage), likely Cerebral Palsy, infantile spasms, developmental delay – felt like a punch in the gut. I needed distraction, and another cup of coffee was not a good idea, not if I didn’t want to do my best Mrs Overall carrying the macaroons impression. So I checked my blog stats.

I know this is not advisable for morale, especially as such a newbie blogger, but a few people do seem to read this (thanks!) and I love that. But before I got to the stats I stopped in my tracks. I looked at my blog header and just stared.

I long to put photos on this blog, I am a rubbish (and I mean rubbish) photographer, but I have a ton of photos and because my kids are in them they are fabulous, even if I do say so myself. More to the point, I know how much photos mean to blog readers, perhaps to none more so than readers whose children were born prematurely, or who have disabilities or special needs. To SEE how your story may develop is thrilling. If I could make one NICU parent smile by showing them what a robust and cheeky monkey Mr Boo is now, my day, week and year would be made.

But I am a secret blogger. No one knows I am writing this, not even The Grumposaur, who I fear might not get it or approve. Unless and until I out myself, I can’t very well put up pics of our kids on this blog. But I do have the joy of being able to see the real Mr Boo, to look at our header pic and see how far we’ve come.

The knot in my stomach starts to loosen and I can breathe again.

You are so much more than a list of diagnoses, Mr Boo. You are a marvel. And I love you and your sister more than I can say.

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14 thoughts on “Getting Over Being Overwhelmed

  1. lucy at dear beautiful

    And I think I have a tough life sometimes with my two? Goodness me. But I guess that’s the beauty of blogging, it opens your eyes to the things others are struggling with and also opens up a whole world of support.
    Thanks so much for linking up and introducing me to your blog and your family. x

    Reply
    1. mrboosmum Post author

      Pleasure – I think the linky is a lovely idea. It’s amazing, and a little scary, how quickly totally unexpected situations start to feel normal. And I remember how hard it was with just one daughter, who was perfectly healthy. We all have our struggles. But as you say, the support in the blogging community is amazing. I really didn’t expect it. x

      Reply
    1. mrboosmum Post author

      That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you! It’s so nice getting to be part of this community and chatting to people, like yourself, whose blogs have meant so much over the past year. x

      Reply
  2. amanda walsh

    Ahhh the dreaded DLA form its not my favourite part of being a parent of a child with needs, i too find it a depressing task. its so hard to seeing black and white all the things your child can or cant do and having to answer what feels like a million yes or no questions

    Reply
  3. Christina E (@Beadzoid)

    I’ll try again – commenting from my phone never works out!

    I think as bloggers we all have to find the level of sharing which makes us comfortable. Personally speaking, I’m more drawn to words than I am photos anyway. I do put the odd photo of my daughter on the blog – and I must admit that I do pause to think before I do – but I’ve been quite open from the start – no point changing now 🙂

    But yes, definitely words. After all, blogging is writing, right? 🙂 xx

    Reply
    1. mrboosmum Post author

      Thanks so much for the lovely comment. And yes: the words are the thing. I guess I’ve just got so much hope and inspiration from others’ photos (yours included) that part of me would like to share Mr Boo’s progress in that way. But I too am more drawn to words, though, and hopefully I’m a better writer than I am photographer. Hopefully.

      Reply
  4. Emma

    Just by writing this you will have helped someone else you know… Re. the pictures, you could always include some back or side view shots perhaps? You write really well so pictures aren’t 100% necessary though! 🙂

    Reply
    1. mrboosmum Post author

      Emma, what a lovely comment. Thank you so much. And that’s a terrific idea about the pictures. I may get a bit creative with my iPhone!

      Reply
  5. Pinkoddy

    You are doing amazing well and the DLA form is why I do it on the computer. The photos issue is a lot more complicated than you may realise and some nasty nasty people out there so try not to worry about it – and as long as you can see that smile and that beautiful face that is what matters.

    Reply
  6. mrboosmum Post author

    Reblogged this on Premmeditations and commented:

    It ‘a Throwback Thursday and here’s a post I wrote this week last year. Things have changed in so many ways since, but the feeling of drowning and momentarily coming up for air are very current.

    Reply

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