I cannot believe I have been blogging for 10 weeks. I cannot believe anybody but me has read my blog. I cannot believe you are reading this.
And, I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I cannot believe how welcoming the blogging community is or what good therapy blogging is. I still struggle greatly with all that’s happened to Boo and with the uncertainty over his future. I hate how it has and will effect his sister. But I also feel proud of my kids, grateful for the support of others and now I am happy more often than I was before I started the blog.
The act of writing Good News Friday has been a big part of this change of mood and attitude. Forcing me (and sometimes it has been quite an effort, I can tell you) to recall and pause on the good things in my life on a week-by-week basis has really helped me get a much better handle on things. And hearing the good news you choose to share with us really lifts my spirits.
So in Good News Friday this week, the headline is: ‘Blogging got me through a tough day’. Mr Boo’s due date anniversary is this Sunday. Father’s Day. He will be one year corrected. There’s nowhere to hide now. I have fretted over and fetishised this day for months. I dreaded it and am still dreading it. When I woke up feeling sick and headachey last Sunday I thought it was the anticipation of 16 June.
Wrong. While eating breakfast it hit me. Boo was due on 16 June but I fully expected to meet him on the 9th when his Caesarian date was booked. He arrived 10 weeks before that date. 11 weeks early. Funny how the body remembers things the mind represses.
I found last Sunday so hard it hurt. So while I was drying my hair (I can do that at the weekend, sometimes) I took the opportunity to write a letter to myself exonerating myself of blame for what’s happened to Boo and us as a consequence. It was a post that I’d meant to write since I started the blog but couldn’t bring myself to contemplate. I wrote it faster than any post I’ve ever written.
I still don’t totally believe it, but writing ‘Dear Me’ was a great experience. So has been reading all the amazingly kind feedback I got and reading and re-reading the truly amazing posts others have linked up in this blog’s first linky attempt ‘Give up the Guilt’.
Blogging and bloggers made a bad news day into a truly good news week. Thank you!
In other news I had another mini escape this week, this time to Plymouth. It was work (hard work) and involved a lot of travelling. But the train ride was a little piece of heaven. Some quiet, some headspace and miles and miles of sea views. It took an enormous act of will not to run away for a few hours by staying on the train all the way to Penzance. But I didn’t. I got to my hotel (a hotel, a room of my own…) and worked and slept and worked some more (oh and tweeted and blogged, too, so didn’t get as much sleep as I should have done). I missed the Boos. But I was soon back with them, giving them cuddles and presents. And that was the best news of all. Getting back to where I belong.
Ok. Over to you. I love hearing your good news. And I’ve got one last tough anniversary weekend to get through. I know you won’t let me down. Blogging and bloggers have become two of the few things in life I know I can count on.