Two years ago

Two years ago, right about now, I was having terrible Braxton Hicks contractions. I hadn’t had them with Sissyboo. I was told they were normal. I knew they could be. But I knew these weren’t.

Two years ago, I was really scared despite the excitement of having a new baby. 

Two years ago, I tried to bury myself in other things (Sissyboo, work, planning for our new arrival) so as not to confront my suspicion that things weren’t OK.

Two years ago, I planned to make a note of my concerns and tell the midwife I would see in 3 days after changing GPs. 

Two years ago, I was looking forward to my second midwife appointment in 28 weeks of pregnancy.

Two years ago, everything was different.

Two years feels like a lifetime ago…

…Two years on and as I type this, I have tears in my eyes and the hairs on my neck are standing on end. I can’t quite unpack the emotions to tell you why this is happening. I am not sad, I know that. But I’m not happy either.

All I can tell you is how much I love my little boy and how grateful I am that he made it. And how anniversaries are terribly difficult things when your child is born prematurely, or ill, or disabled. 

 

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3 thoughts on “Two years ago

  1. nicolanoo

    Tomorrow (April 3rd) is the date that my parents were given as my due date when my mum was pregnent with me. I was born at 26 weeks and arrived in early January. At this time of year I always find myself thinking about how grateful that I am that we all made it through together, and about all the things I’ve achieved. I will admit that sometimes I find it strange to think that the day might have been my birthday instead if I wasn’t premature.

    Reply
    1. mrboosmum Post author

      And you have achieved so much! I love reading your blog. If Boo is able to achieve half of what you have, well…Thanks for a lovely comment.

      Reply
      1. nicolanoo

        Thank you! Good luck to Boo and all your family I wouldn’t have been able to do half of what I can do now without the love, support and efforts of my parents. They’ve helped me more than I think I’ll ever truly know. I know I don’t know and I hope you don’t mind me saying, but when I read your posts you remind me a lot of my own mum in some ways because of the level of love and determination that you express for Boo and your family and your postive attitude. The doctors told my parents that I might never crawl, a week later, she had me crawling. The physios asked her how on earth she’d managed to get me to do it, and she rolled up her trouser legs and showed them how cracked the skin on her knees was from all the time she’d spent working with me on it. Reading your posts always makes me want to tell her and my dad how grateful I am for all the work they did to help me that I was too young to remember or fully understand.

        I know that my CP and Boo’s CP impact on us very differently, but from reading your blog I get the sense that you and your family have the same level of dediation and love for Boo that my family have for me, I think that’s helped me more than they will ever fully realise too. I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you’re all doing great!

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