Today, the day after Boo turned two, Premmeditations turns one. I have been blogging for exactly one year.
Nothing about that sentence would have made sense to me 18 months ago. For one thing, back then I hadn’t got a clue how you’d even start a blog, and only a very limited sense of what blogs were, having only read a few of the many millions out there for the previous six months. So if you’d have told me that I would start a blog, after too many tears and one too many glasses of wine while my partner was away with work, the day after Boo’s first (and very difficult) birthday, I’d have laughed in your face.
Then there’s the fact that I have managed to keep it going. When I started Premmeditations I was desperately sad, lonely and confused. I wanted to talk and write. But my life was, still is, the definition of chaos. I never really believed I could keep it up.
And partly that was because I never really thought anybody would read it. Or if they did, I didn’t think they would ever come back to read the workings of my loony mind.
This isn’t a big blog. I am not a very good blogger. Premmeditations comes to you courtesy of the seat of my pants. And I will likely never make the Tots100, although I am proud to be persistently knocking on the door of the top 500. But people do read this. And many people read loyally.They leave comments. They tweet me and leave notes on my Facebook page. They email. They care.
I started blogging to find a space for the thoughts and feelings that were trapped in my mind and heart. I wanted to know I wasn’t going mad. I hoped there might be others out there who had been through similar things. Who might understand. And I hoped I might be able to reassure others going through tough times of their own. What I found was a huge community of frankly amazing people who offer emotional support, practical advice, an ear and virtual shoulder to cry on.
I have talked to some of these people on the phone (you know who you are). I have even met a couple in person (so do you). These occasions were pretty awesome moments, I must say. But most of these people I haven’t ever met and probably never will. They only know me as Mrboosmum and through this blog. As a result they know me better than most people I work with or live near. They know me better than many members of my family.
Because this blog is a big part of who I am. I never lie on Premmeditations and rarely self-censor except when I worry it might have a negative impact on someone else were they ever to find out about the blog’s existence. Finding a place where I can be me and where (for the most part) people don’t judge me but just offer kind words and calm advice has been a revelation in my life. Truly.
The day-to-day is sometimes tough and often exhausting. But I can honestly say that my life is a whole lot better since I started this blog.
Thank you for reading this. It means a great deal to me.