Today we have our first visit to a local school (our daughter’s) to talk about Boo and whether they could accommodate him or not when he starts reception in two years time.

Boo is two. Yep: two.

This feels wrong. He is so young. But we have been asked to start this process now, because we live in a LA that says in hushed tones and not to be repeated words, ‘we just don’t have schools for kids like him here’. ‘They might have to build stuff for him.’ ‘It’s going to take time to work out what to do with him.’ My lovely little boy is reduced to the status of a problem in a matter of sentence.

Today, I wish my crystal ball was working, so when the inevitable questions arise – will he be able to hold a pen, walk, or use the toilet independently – I will know for sure what to say. (I think I know, but can’t say for definite.)

Today I feel a little bit sick because I know this school, a lovely, 3 minutes away, small, modern flat-level, high-achieving, nurturing school is not right for him. I know we are just playing a game. Having to look at schools so we can say to an unsympathetic LA that will likely try to push us to conclusions we don’t agree with, ‘No: we looked there. It isn’t right for him.’

But where is right? Are we chasing something that doesn’t exist?

Increasingly our options seem to be out of county. That involves travel for Boo and tribunals for us. Battles I can’t face. Not today anyway.

Today, just today, I would like to just be able to exist in the now. Not have to think about the past or worry about the future.

I wish today was tomorrow. And then it would be done. Until the next visit, that is.

5 thoughts on “Today…

  1. Complicated Gorgeousness

    This bit is so overwhelming. It is another hurdle you have to go through and your heart drags behind your head. Even now I get a little pang when Gabe goes off on his little bus but he is happy and settled at his little special school and he has a gang just like him there. Life is slower there – there is no rush – they can all go at their own pace. And I still hope one day he will get expelled when his body catches up and we get to see what his brain can do (a lot I think). You take it a step at a time hun and I hope the process works out to be surprisingly smooth. Just focus on early years for now and forgot about reception year (I still can’t wrap my head around that yet – that feels too real). Anyway essay over xxxx

    1. mrboosmum Post author

      Thank you. I like essays, honest! I love the idea of him being in a school where there’s no rush and he is loved and valued for who he is. It seems we have nowhere like that where we live. The choices are SN schools we have been told he wouldn’t get into as he isn’t disabled in the right way (no ASD diagnosis, no profound learning difficulties we are yet aware of) and those schools have huge long waiting lists for kids who really need them and have fewer options than we do. And then there’s mainstream (which one of his paediatricians think we should push for) but his physio thinks we shouldn’t. Where he will always be the problem kid. The only reason we are thinking about reception now is because we have been asked to by Early Years and various other people who think either a) it will take ages to get a mainstream school ready to take him; b) if we have to go out of area will will likely need to go to tribunal. And apparently 2 years is only just enough time to do these things. It’s so exhausting. But I know you know that. x

  2. Stacie Lewis

    Such a tough day. I’m with you. I hated these conversations more than anything. The thing is you have to have these conversations now so that he is taken care of later. Crystal Ball Prediction: in a couple of years Boo will be settled in a place where everyone loves him and works to help his progression. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

    1. mrboosmum Post author

      Those are the kinds of predictions I like. Thanks, Stacie. I needed to hear that. And I take heart from your posts about May’s school. I hope we find somewhere great for Boo, too.


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