Beating a Retreat

So, I have gone off the radar for a bit. Tried to get some headspace. Tried to work things out. I felt defeated. I couldn’t take the stress any more. It seemed like everything – NHS, Social Services and of course the blooming Local Authority – was trying to break us. They nearly did. Still might.

Nothing was going right. Too much was at stake. Everyone had an opinion on what we should do. No one could do anything, would take any action but me. Too much pressure. Too much at stake. Whatever I did, I realised would be wrong in someone’s eyes, including my own.

So, defeated I retreated. I took myself away from Twitter and the blog – my lifelines – and tried to ignore all the incursions on my sanity by pretending they weren’t happening.

The upshot? Well, nothing is resolved. All skirmishes are still active. But I have plans and options. I still don’t know how we will resolve things, but I have a clear sense that somehow we will. Few solutions are without cost, mostly financial but also emotional. This SEN world is an expensive one. But we have to settle things.

Boo deserves this. I deserve this. Sometimes you have to step away and admit defeat. Sometimes you have to realise that survival, rather than heroism, is the best that can be achieved. And we will.

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